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Sunday, June 12, 2005

Week 13 - Christian soldiers, an early start

So, there´s this big fellow with a beard floating around somewhere up in the clouds. Apparently he made everything, but then who made him? Kermit the frog? Then there´s his son – no, not Kermits, the big fellows - the son was another strange fellow who´s mother never had sex, and he walked on water and he never really died or did he? And then there´s some kind of ghost in there somewhere. Did the ghost have something to do with the mother not having intercourse? But ghosts don´t shoot off their load like that, knocking up women, or do they? Well, we here at the HTMPL office get a bit confused about all this. Better leave it to Beaver. The people who claim they not only get this but actually believe it´s some kind of guidance in there as well call themselves Christians. Of course, it goes without saying really, if you believe all that you´re bound to make some really odd music in your never ending quest to get us fools here at the office to get it as well. And we´re really happy about that. It´s a constant amusement to us when we try to pass those long office hours. But, do we get it? No, not really.

God bless those Christian soldiers whipping it up for Jesus! And what better way than to start whipping early: turning that child into a mindless bore. So, off we go with two 45 sides from The Cowboy Church Sunday School (released on Brunswick in 1955), with some child-rearing tips. After exposing your toddlers to this for a few years they just might turn into the Bernard Sisters, showing that old fool Darwin who really knows what´s what, accompanied by their bible-bashing father in this 1972 radio show. Or maybe the turn into little good mormons. Or heavy metal bangers who don´t masturbate! Just playing endless guitar solos all day long – God forbid!

01 Those Bad Bad Kids – The Cowboy Church Sunday School
02 The Little Black Sheep – The Cowboy Church Sunday School
03 The Monkey Song – The Bernard Sisters
04 The Ecumenical Movement – The Bernard Sisters
05 I´m A Mormon – Janeen Brady & The Brite Singers
06 The Big M – Lust Control