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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Billy Squier - Icon Of The 1980's - Critical Analysis



:07 - Howard Stern lookalike arises from a satin sheet slumber with "sunlight" cascading from a window treatment that was unattended to the previous evening. This is a clear indication that Mr. Squier is not a true rock star. Rock legends never awake while the sun is up and if they unintentionally happened to awake during the daylight hours, associates would have been summarily dismissed. Utilization of director Kenny Ortega is a choice that has been debated for years by 80's scholars. Mr. Ortega is primarily known, at that point in time, for his choreographic work in "Xanadu". He has subsequently been involved in the High School Musical trilogies and Cheetah Girls series. Rock and Roll and Kenny Ortega? The debate, will no doubt continue for decades to come.

:13 - Hair is perfectly coiffed yet Mr. Squier arises as if he has ingested vast amounts of narcotics and/or engaged in wanton sexual activities with hundreds of sex-starved groupies the previous evening. A contraindication of major proportions.

:25 - The shirt. Who designed it and why? I suspect it is a homage to the punk movement. Clearly misses the mark.

:30 to 3:30 - The "Stripper" Dance. Notice how Mr. Squier "warms up" his mojo around the :28 second mark and then loses all self respect for the next 3 minutes by prancing around like a cheap pole dancer. Clearly Mr. Ortega's influence is on display in this controversial sequence. No written records exist as to why Mr. Squier subjected himself to this debacle. Of greater mystery is why does he rip the aforementioned first shirt only to don a second hideous version?

3:30 to end - Billy enters the final descent into hell with an excruciating performance in an art gallery full of cheap Warhol imitations and a band that defines an entire era of excess and waste.

Why Billy? Why?

Respectfully submitted.......

Yuma